since December 27, 1997
Dear Dr. Mom,
My child throws such violent temper tantrums.
He hurts himself and others. He won't sit still for time-out.
I am at the end of my rope. How can I control this bundle of anger?
Dr. Mom answers:
Sorry it took me so long to get around to this topic.
As a mother who has had to use passive restraint on all my boys at one
time or another, I have some tips to offer about a safe way to restrain
tantruming kids. (Our parents' generation just whacked us. We have
to be more careful now.) In some areas, you can take a course in
passive restraint.
First of all, look for cause. Often, low blood
sugar is to blame for these attacks before meals. The way to detect
it, is when you see the kid starting to get shrill or agitated, offer him
some candy. If the problem is hypoglycemia, he will refuse it.
At this point, you pry his little jaw open and dump a tsp. of sugar or
OJ in him. (Be prepared for him to spit it out.) However, in
10 mins., he will be calm and ready to eat. Feed him immediately
before he crashes again!!! Long-term prevention involves high protein,
high fat meals and limiting carbohydrates. Also chromium supplementation
will help level out the blood sugar swings.
Another possible cause is drug reactions.
When one of my kids used to come down off any stimulants (for his ADHD),
he would get a crying. screaming spell.
FOOD REACTIONS! I have had most of my boys turn into
demons and juvenile delinquents from food reactions. ANYTHING, even
bananas or wheat can cause reactions like this in allergic kids. Keep a food diary and learn how to do the Pulse Test.
Chemical illness is another cause. I have
seen normally nice kids turn into the devil from the Exorcist in places
where the formaldehyde levels are high. One child (3 yrs.) flopped over
in the shopping cart and said he was "too tired" to sit up at when exposed
to formaldehyde. Others scream, kick and wet the floor. Watch for this in fabric and craft stores.
If you cannot identify and remove the cause, you
must restrain the child. Find a clean spot on the floor in a quiet place.
(Sensory overload can be another cause.) Start by hold the child
on your lap facing away from you. Wrap your arms around his chest.
Hold his hands with his arms wrapped if he starts to flail or tries to
pinch. If he starts to bang you with his head, you will have to lay
him face down on the floor. You can use your head to hold his head
down so he won't bang it on the floor. (I let an 11 y/o do this. He didn't keep it up very long or hurt himself. It was
carpeted.) If he tries to kick, you can wrap your legs around his.
It usually only takes 10 mins. of him screaming
that he is going to kill you, before he exhausts himself. I view
it as if he had built up all this tension and just needs to scream it all
out. If you see another parent having to do this, you can offer to
explain to bystanders or keep people out of the area. This is an issue
especially with people who have autistic children. There have been
cases where the police took the child away. There was one case where
a bus driver, who was not properly trained in passive restraint, killed
an autistic child in the process. Good luck. We will pray for you.
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